Michael Hoppal
Writer :: Designer :: Awesomer
michael@hoppal.com :: (303)514-7257
These are, more or less, the four postings on Denver's Craigslist in October through December 2011 to advertise my copywriting services.
I put together these ads without knowing what I wanted in the way of clientele. I just knew I wanted to pay bills. I chose Craigslist because it seemed generic-yet-popular to the point that I would not need to spend a lot of time on analyzing and targeting. In retrospect, I was wrong.
Overall, the response was underwhelming and I will hazard a guess that the holidays had an impact on their performance, as well as my lack of understanding of what I wanted and what customers wanted. That said, I did get a few responses (I presume based on uniqueness and personality), which is all I can ask for what little I put into them.
Here's the deal: I sell content. Content for websites, letters, brochures, fliers, emails, business plans, blogs, advertisements much like this one, and basically anything else involving writing besides drunken napkin-scribblings.
I need money and have great content. Conveniently, you need great content and have money.
See where I'm going with this?
I specialize in blogs and other online content, because that's what I spend most of my time doing. Coincidentally, I also do web development.
I won't write your thesis or dissertation, your midterm or final, or any other school paper, because frankly I find it shameful for you and degrading for me. I won't take your "test" without you paying me half my quoted rate up front with the balance due at the end, because your mechanic wouldn't fix up your clunker and then let you decide whether you want to pay him or not (or her. I ain't sexist). And I'm not going to write anything involving sex or drugs (rock 'n' roll is debatable). It's not that I think my moral compass points to True North -- it's just that I'm awful at writing about them.
I love non-profits. The ones with cute, fuzzy animals. Not so much the ones opposing gay marriage or abortion.
When you decide you need some of my endearing and charming politeness thrust into your business dealings, shoot me an email and I'll get you a portfolio.
And just so I avoid false advertising with my posting title: bollocks. That's the most adorable swear I could find.
I'm Michael. I'm no longer a business student, and have now turned belly dancer. I'm also a writer.
I don't really come with a lot of perks, because I'm not a car or an executive position. But I like to write. I like to write almost as much as I like to think I'm good at it.
This advertisement should catch your eye because it's short, sweet, and sounds fantastic when you translate it to Russian (I'm serious. Give it a try).
As for me... I'm a web developer, choreographer, teacher, muse, purveyor of shiny things, and possibly a Roman czar (though I can't confirm that). You can get all the gory details on my sparsely-padded resume, when you email me. Now. Before the competition gets me.
If my career as a blogger and freelance writer were a child, it would require 1,700 calories daily for homeostasis.
My marketing education started in the quarter when the United States' GDP was $13,893.7 (in billions).
I've been developing websites for about as long as William Howard Taft lasted as Chief Justice of the United States.
If I were to charge what I am worth, you couldn't afford me. If I charged what you wanted, I couldn't afford me.
Let's start compromising.
Allegedly.
Hey there. Kathy Griffin fan and freelance writer here. I'm looking for big fish who can carry me to the big time. But until then I'm settling for helping out smaller businesses with as much passion as I have.
I'm apparently a threat to other writers. We should get along fabulously.